November 13 is World Kindness Day. Established in 1998, the day was intended to highlight positive actions in the community focused on our bonds with each other. In addition, it’s designed to bridge the distances between all kinds of differences—and encourage unity and empathy across people and groups. Might I be bold enough to declare every day should be Kindness Day?
I posted the following quote on social media today in honor of the day:
Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world.
Pema Chodron
Kindness really does begin with being kind to yourself. If not, our kindness towards others often comes with strings we’re unaware of – strings of self-validation or control, strings of seeking to be loved or appreciated. If you’re people-pleasing, you’re placing an expectation on the person you’re being kind to that they respond to you in a certain way. The purest form of kindness requires no credit or audience, and that type of pure kindness is birthed from one who is generous in kindness toward oneself.
Recently, I’ve struggled with unkind words toward myself. You know the words …
“you’re not enough.”
“if only you were …”
“you’re not smart enough for this …”
“you’re gonna drop the ball…”
Perhaps these unkind thoughts are familiar to you. I’ve heard them from the mouths of others about themselves, and I am quick to counter those lies with truth. But when they come from within, we quickly forget our own advice.
What has helped me most is to think about my niece and nephew. What if they said to themselves the things I say to myself? Friends, I’d shut that down in a heartbeat! NOBODY talks about my niece or nephew that way, not even my niece or nephew. If I want them to be kind to themselves, I must be kind to myself. Anything else is dishonest to them.
So, when negative self-talk begins, I think of them, recognize the lies, and speak the truth. I also recall my identity as God’s beloved. That is your identity, too.
If you have children, speak to yourself like you’d talk to them. If you have no children, think about someone in your life you deeply love. How would you speak to them? Or think of the younger you, who did the best he or she could and faced hard things in life. What words does that child need to hear? Most likely, that child within you still needs to hear them.
Kindness begins with you, to you. When you start there, it will overflow to the world around you, free of strings, full of the kind of magic that truly changes the world.
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